WiReD.

WiReD.
 

Hello, My name is Stephanie and I am people-pleaser/martyr. I’ve spent so much time in my youth trying to make everyone happy that my mother nicknamed me “the pacifier.” I always seemed to know what to say or do. Unfortunately I also forgot how to say “no” and got walked on a lot by others, even some family members after a while. You see, my whole family is VERY good at the guilt-trip game. If you didn’t get what you wanted you guilted someone into it. And it worked…on me more than most. Because of this I later learned how to “guilt” back and turn on the “martyr” when things didn’t go my way. It seemed the norm with me family so I never really thought of it as unusual.

I also became very “focused on my life.” I had it pretty much planned out. School, work, living on my own…it was very strict. I didn’t have much time for boys and didn’t date much. I had several friends who, in my “always-right” opinion (can you feel my self-addressed sarcasm?) made some bad choices in their partners and I was so sure I wasn’t going to make the SAME mistake. My mistake? Going to far in the other direction. I closed my mind and heart to the possibility to letting ANYONE (family, friends, men, God…) ruin what I had worked so hard for. Yep, it was all going according to plan…

Then I met my husband, Matthew. He is a easy-going soul that won’t be pushed into anything he doesn’t want to do and tells other people matter-of-factly what he thinks. He was the one that shocked me to my senses about my controlling nature. He never understood how I could be so stressed out about life’s little frustrations. His thought was “worry about this big things and the little things will take care of themselves.” His parents were both similar and, being preachers, taught him to trust in God to provide.

Now, it isn’t that I’m not a Christian but my family has never regularly gone to church. We never truly felt that we fit in anywhere so my mother, with my father’s support, encouraged a home study and faith in God. So I’ve always believe in God…just didn’t know how to put all my trust in him. It’s a mutated idea that “God helps those who help themselves.” I didn’t know how anything would be provided for if I didn’t provide for it. I thought of God as a cheerleader rather than a guide for my life.

Now, I don’t mean to say that Matthew was my only “wake-up call.” There are many family and friends along the way that have tried to help me see my over-controlling nature though out the years, but when God brought Matthew into my life he threw me such a left curve that it still surprised me how quickly I opened me eyes. However, Matthew’s easy-going nature and simple, matter-of-fact honesty made it that much more obvious that I must learn to “let go and let God.”

That is my hope for this bible study. When I stumbled onto this study through Proverbs 31 ministries, I thought “hm, this sounds interesting. Well, its worth a shot.” Then I started reading “Let.It.Go” by Karen Ehmen and I was shocked by how much of me was in even the first 2 chapters. I was surprised that anyone could be in my shoes and excited to know that I could learn how to let God be my guide, not a sidelines cheerleader.

So let’s do this! I’m ready to Let. It. Go!